i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
