I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
