Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
