He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
