If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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