Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
