remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
