dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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