I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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