guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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