There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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