better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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