What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
