he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
