This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
