I wish I only lived at night.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
