best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im having a threesome with these popsicles
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
