sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
