bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
