I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have post one night stand depression
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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