Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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