Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
