i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
