I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
