A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
