Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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