It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
