I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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