I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
