I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
