4 words: hood of his car
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
