I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
even my farts smell like vagina
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
