My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
