so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
