Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
They took my balls.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
