I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
