I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
