so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
