if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
