its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
