I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize