me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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