Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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