I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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