Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
