I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
