The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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