Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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