My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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