my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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