i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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