I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
