you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
