4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
