The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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