She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize