I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
