I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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