sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
