he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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