They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
