he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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