She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
