im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
