forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
