that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
